{"id":15204,"date":"2026-03-17T19:44:38","date_gmt":"2026-03-17T19:44:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lifevibesever.com\/?p=15204"},"modified":"2026-03-17T19:44:38","modified_gmt":"2026-03-17T19:44:38","slug":"a-new-priest-at-his-very-first-mass-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lifevibesever.com\/?p=15204","title":{"rendered":"A new priest at his very first Mass"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"179\" data-end=\"249\"><strong data-start=\"179\" data-end=\"247\">\ud83d\ude02 The Hilarious Tale of a Nervous Priest and His \u201cVodka Sermon\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p data-start=\"251\" data-end=\"359\">A new priest was so nervous at his very first Mass that he could barely speak and gave an awful sermon. \ud83d\ude30<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"361\" data-end=\"567\">Afterward, he asked the monsignor how to \u201crelax\u201d on the pulpit. The monsignor jokingly said:<br data-start=\"453\" data-end=\"456\" \/><em data-start=\"456\" data-end=\"562\">&#8220;When I\u2019m nervous, I put a glass of vodka in front of me. If I start to shake or stammer, I take a sip.&#8221;<\/em> \ud83e\udd43<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"569\" data-end=\"719\">The next Sunday, the young priest tried it. One sip\u2026 then another\u2026 and another! By the end, he was preaching with energy, theatrics, and confidence.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"721\" data-end=\"797\">After Mass, he found a note from the monsignor with some important advice:<\/p>\n<ul data-start=\"799\" data-end=\"1092\">\n<li data-section-id=\"egbyg6\" data-start=\"799\" data-end=\"819\">\n<p data-start=\"801\" data-end=\"819\">Sip, don\u2019t gulp.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-section-id=\"ri6kv7\" data-start=\"820\" data-end=\"858\">\n<p data-start=\"822\" data-end=\"858\">There are 10 Commandments, not 12.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-section-id=\"432aah\" data-start=\"859\" data-end=\"902\">\n<p data-start=\"861\" data-end=\"902\">Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-section-id=\"k1sp06\" data-start=\"903\" data-end=\"965\">\n<p data-start=\"905\" data-end=\"965\">David slew Goliath, not \u201ckicked the holy crap\u201d out of him.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-section-id=\"1wcl4fk\" data-start=\"966\" data-end=\"1020\">\n<p data-start=\"968\" data-end=\"1020\">The Virgin Mary is <strong data-start=\"987\" data-end=\"994\">not<\/strong> \u201cMary with the Cherry.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-section-id=\"1yf5kkc\" data-start=\"1021\" data-end=\"1092\">\n<p data-start=\"1023\" data-end=\"1092\">And grace before meals isn\u2019t: \u201cRub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p data-start=\"1094\" data-end=\"1175\">Sometimes, a little less of the \u201cHoly Spirit\u201d makes for a <strong data-start=\"1152\" data-end=\"1169\">better sermon<\/strong>. \ud83d\ude02<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&nbsp; \ud83d\ude02 The Hilarious Tale of a Nervous Priest and His \u201cVodka Sermon\u201d A new priest was so nervous at his very first Mass that he could barely speak and gave an awful sermon. \ud83d\ude30 Afterward, he asked the monsignor how to \u201crelax\u201d on the pulpit. The monsignor jokingly said:&#8220;When I\u2019m nervous, I put a &hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":15205,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-15204","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifevibesever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15204","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifevibesever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifevibesever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifevibesever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifevibesever.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=15204"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/lifevibesever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15204\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":15206,"href":"https:\/\/lifevibesever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15204\/revisions\/15206"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifevibesever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/15205"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifevibesever.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=15204"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifevibesever.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=15204"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifevibesever.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=15204"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}