<\/p>\n
Do you f*rt in bed?<\/strong> This is the story of a happily married couple whose only problem was the husband\u2019s legendary<\/em> morning f*rts. Every single day, he\u2019d wake up, let one rip, and the noise alone would jolt his wife awake. The smell? Eye-watering. Breath-stealing.<\/p>\n Every morning she begged him to stop. She warned him for years. Told him to see a doctor. Even joked that one day he\u2019d f*rt his guts out.<\/p>\n He laughed. The f*rting continued.<\/p>\n Then came Christmas morning.<\/p>\n As she was preparing the turkey, staring at the bowl of neck, liver, gizzard, and assorted innards, a brilliantly evil<\/em> idea struck her.<\/p>\n She carried the bowl upstairs. She gently pulled back the covers, stretched the waistband of his underwear\u2026 and dumped the turkey guts inside.<\/p>\n A while later, she heard the familiar morning trumpet\u2014 She collapsed laughing. Years of torture finally repaid.<\/p>\n About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs wearing blood-stained underwear, pale as a ghost.<\/p>\n Trying not to laugh, she asked, \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n He said, \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n \u201cWell,\u201d he said, Do you f*rt in bed?If this story doesn\u2019t make you laugh until you cry, let me know\u2014I\u2019ll pray for you. This is the story of a happily married couple whose only problem was the husband\u2019s legendary morning f*rts. Every single day, he\u2019d wake up, let one rip, and the noise alone would jolt his …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":11571,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11570","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifevibesever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11570","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifevibesever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifevibesever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifevibesever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifevibesever.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=11570"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/lifevibesever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11570\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11573,"href":"https:\/\/lifevibesever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11570\/revisions\/11573"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifevibesever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/11571"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifevibesever.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=11570"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifevibesever.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=11570"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifevibesever.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=11570"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
If this story doesn\u2019t make you laugh until you cry, let me know\u2014I\u2019ll pray for you.<\/p>\n
Every morning he said it was \u201cnatural\u201d and he \u201ccouldn\u2019t help it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Her husband was sound asleep.<\/p>\n
followed by a blood-curdling scream<\/strong> and frantic footsteps racing to the bathroom.<\/p>\n
\u201cHoney\u2026 you were right. You warned me for years.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cToday I finally f*rted my guts out\u2026 but by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers\u2014
I think I got most of them back in.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"